Present Envy
by SomeNavyRecruit
Summary: Sometimes you know when you're going to get something nice. Sometimes, it breaks into your kitchen at midnight after ding-dong-ditching you at the doorstep. /Companion to Sneak Present, also for the lol


I was going to work on some more of this one-shot I've started, or work on my next chapter to my vamp/were story, but instead I was inspired by a narwhal. What can you do?

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Reddit

**xXx**

Russia blinked heavily as he rose from his bed, a dark purple aura surrounding him as the loud knocking continued. He grunted and grumbled in his mother tongue, slipping from beneath his sheets and warm blanket and setting socked feet to hardwood with a grimace.

"_I am coming!_" He called out in Russian, his tone laced with annoyance. The person behind the door stopped knocking at his words, to which he was thankful. Just being woken up was aggravating enough without that insistent, never ending rap of knuckles on wood pounding into his skull. Who would be knocking, anyway? It was practically midnight already and someone dared wake him up?

They would pay.

When he opened the door, however, his doorstep was abandoned. There was a deep imprint of where the person had been standing within the snow, but the person's tracks had been washed away in the rain of white snowflakes descending down from the gloomy sky.

Violet eyes narrowed when he heard a crash from inside his house, the big nation turning away from the door and shutting it with a click. He stalked through the hallways of his home with an intent to kill, the wings of his scarf seeming to flutter in the power and menace leaking from his very being.

What he saw when he reached his kitchen, the source of the noise, made him pause in confusion. There was a large basket on the counter, tied off with a pretty bow and a small card.

Carefully stepping up to it, Russia took the card and frowned at the name of the sender. What was America doing, sneaking into his house in the middle of the night to deliver presents? Russia had had the decency to figure out the young nations daily routine through constant surveillance before executing his drop off at an appropriate time, the least the blond could have done was the same.

Still, it made the large nation smile a little despite his annoyance. Apparently his gesture to the idiot had not fallen to the wayside.

He opened the basket carefully, brows coming together at the contents. The theme was much like the same he'd given to America, just a collection of small things, but still... What was he supposed to do with a lump of bacon that had a vague animal shape and some sort of filling sticking out of one end?

Moving beyond the strange bacon creature, Russia found a gift card to star bucks with a paltry amount on it, a rifle with a dark gray finish, a lethal looking knife and...was that a bouquet of sunflowers?

The big nation reached into the basket and retrieved the sorry looking flowers, the things duct taped together at about mid-stem and some of the petals falling off. They looked haggard and somewhat off, the seeds and petals not as uniformly pristine as in the videos and pictures he loved so much. America couldn't possibly have bought something any less pathetic. It was a slur against his love for the things, really.

But even if the blond was an idiot, his farmers were not. They would never sell such distasteful things, unless it was merely for seed oil, but these were not the type. So then...perhaps...

Had America grown them himself?

**xXx**

"So, did you like your gift?" America asked as soon as he saw the big Russian at the next meeting, grinning broadly. He was rather proud of everything he'd gotten. Russia's favorite flowers (home grown in the US-of-A's very own greenhouse), a sweet rifle, an awesome combat knife, that stupid star bucks card because he honestly didn't know where Russia _did _like to go to spend money, and a home cooked bacon narwhal, delivered precisely at midnight!

Man, he was good.

"I am...confused by it." Russia decided to be honest rather than disappointed. If there was anything he'd learned about America, it was that everything he did was either worthless, blood-thirsty, or idiotic on the surface but actually meticulously thought out within the blonds strange thought processes. "The gun and the knife are appreciated, of course, but-"

"It's an Alaskan rifle." America interrupted, grinning hugely. "Because I liked your gun, too and Alaska is like, our history. Our land, you know? And the knife's a SEAL issue knife, it's gotten the cryogenic heat treatment already so it'll last you for forever. I didn't know what sort of knife to get you because they're all so cool but then I remembered how the my bad boys bagged Bin Laden and I figured what would be a cooler present than a combat weapon from one of their teams? It's not actually been used before though so don't worry about there being any blood or chipping on the edge I've totally got you covered."

"Ah...I see." Russia's smile softened as America proved his earlier thoughts correct. So much thought put into something as simple as a knife. "And the bacon creature?"

"Creature? Dude, it's a narwhal, didn't you see the horn and the flippers? It's like, the unicorn of the sea!" America flailed his arms while he pouted at the Russian and somewhere in the background he heard Japan taking in a small, polite gasp of shock. Russia could be such a real life troll, how could he not possibly go on reddit? America was so sure he'd been really clever with that one! "...Did it at least taste good?"

"I fed it to my cat...but he seemed to like it?" Russia's smile faltered just a little, a slight blush creeping onto his features. He didn't see how America had ever come up with such a creation as a bacon narwhal, but apparently it had as much deep meaning as the Alaskan rifle had. At least the admission that Russiacat had enjoyed the meal made the blond smile.

"I already know you loved the sunflowers, no need to mention it! I had to go into my greenhouse and see if I had any of my own, it's kinda not the right season for them everywhere else, you know? Hey, did you know that sunflowers originated in America? Not America like me though, America like the continent. I think it was actually Mexico that first grew them but I totally perfected it! I grow millions of acres of them every year!" America's voice rose as he spoke, ending his speech with an enthusiastic fist pump. Russia's violet eyes widened at the prospect of a million acres worth of sunflowers.

It would be so, so pretty...

"Da...I loved them, Amerika." Russia smiled into his scarf, still a little affected by the fantasy of walking through miles of beautiful gold. Once he'd figured out on his own that America must have grown them himself, he'd immediately cut the tape on the flowers and put them in a vase by his bed. "Thank you for the present."

"Hey, it was no problem! I'm just glad you liked it, I spent so long trying to figure out what to get you!" America smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder before walking away.

In the background, unseen by either nation, sat Japan. His expression was as dark as politeness allowed, muscles stiff with unseemly jealousy beneath his uniform.

America had never once given him a bacon narwhal. Not even for their late night video gaming or their movie marathons. The most he'd gotten was a poptart with frosted kitty features, which had been admittedly adorable, but still!

Japan would just have to politely refuse America the next time he needed someone to inhibit his scary movie masochism.

**xXx**

The rifle is a m77 Hawkeye, Alaskan version. If anyone cares. I don't know very much about guns, aside from how to aim them at people and shoot (center mass, always center mass) but there's nothing google can't fix~

I chose a SEAL knife because since America is so obsessed with terrorists, I think he'd be a bit of a SEAL team 6 fanboy right about now. Silly boy.

Review if you enjoyed this silly little story ;D


End file.
